Matt Cutts Faces GrayWolf In Landing Page Dance-Off

I t is no secret that Michael Gray (GrayWolf) and Matt Cutts are constantly at one another’s throat when it comes to optimizing for Google.  Don’t let Michael Gray kid you…the pictures on Marshall Clark’s blog are not of a discussion about Landing Page Quality, but in fact a classic dance-off.  Since Matt Cutts and Michael Gray are children of the 80’s, they’ve decided that disputes are best resolved in the form of Break Dance Fighting (as depicted in such movies as Breakin’ and Beat Street).

I’ve actually hacked Marshall Clark’s Treo cameraphone and extracted some raw footage of the Matt Cuts (aka Matty-C) Michael Gray (aka G-Wolfy Head Spin) dance off.  Enjoy:

Zune to Defeat the Mighty iPod – The Battle of the Dumb Named Walkmans

If word of this ever gets out to Digg then I will seriously be in lots of trouble for leaking this.  I’ve been known to say some crazy things (like Nintendo Wii sealing the coffin of Nintendo and Apple using Radio Shack to design their new Mac Books) over at Digg which got me buried quite a bit, but this time I think I’ve got it right.

If you don’t already know, ZUNE is the new and popular Microsoft version of the iPod.  Yeah, yeah, too little too late for Microsoft you say, but seriously, look at what Windows did to Apple’s operating system…face it, compared to the MS Windows user base, Mac OS X is just a small piece of plankton in a huge sea of home computers.

Soon many iPodders will come crawling to Zune.   This is obvious considering that Microsoft dominates the desktop scene.  It is only a matter of time when Microsoft totally integrates Zune into the Windows Vista environment.  People will not likely see the need anymore to use a third party product (like iTunes) to manage their tunes.  Plus I expect Microsoft to start having “Entertainment Packs” for Vista which would include a free Zune player.

Don’t get me wrong, I like my iPod, but it does some quirky things, or atleast acts a little too counter intuitive for my own tastes.  First of all, my everyday commute to work involves driving my beater vehicle to work, a vehicle that is only graced with a tape deck.  Thank goodness for the CD adapter to plug in my iPod.  Upon starting up my car I immediately switch on the iPod.  The music starts and then I back out of the driveway and head for the parkway.

First on the playlist is an old classic from the Pretenders called “ Stop Your Sobbing .”  Nice tune, nice to hear it, but next up is a mistakenly downloaded and added to my playlist, title from The Cure.   You know the one:  Show me show me how you do that trick…  Ok, I admit that I played that song thousands of times back in high school, but hearing it now conjures up horrible thoughts of old girlfriends.  The best thing to do for me is to click the SKIP button…or the arrow to the right button.  What ever the heck it is. 

But wait, I hit that button, I know I did, but the song still plays.  Traveling at top speed in the Taurus (about 83 mph) I glanced down at the iPod screen to see some pretty little stars.  I guess it is asking me to rate the song?  I dunno. I keep hitting that darned button (now swerving and hitting orange cones) and then looked down to see the progress meter of the song turning into a little diamond.  What the heck? All I want to do is skip the song.

By this time I’ve taken out small animals, orange barrels and a few tire treads.  Trying to figuring why my song is “shuttling” to the end.  To make a long story short, by the time I arrived at work, I had already listened to a 45 minute “mixed” version of Just Like Heaven from The Cure.  I feel like putting on lipstick and white face paint now.

So lets go down the list of why the iPod will be defeated by Zune this Christmas, according to me…AND if Microsoft learns from these peves when updating the Zune:

  • iPod fails with usability for ding dongs like myself
  • I can’t just open the thing up like a hard drive and plop songs into it
  • Apple knows me by my name rank and serial number
  • I have to use that stupid memory chomper called iTunes.
  • I look totally dumb wearing those retro 70’s “ear plugs”
  • Apple looks stupid by saying “Designed In California” SO WHAT!?  It is still made in communist China and both things could be said about Kathy Lee Gifford’s t-shirts.

Zune give you this:

  • Pre-loaded with something atleast! 
  • The Microsoft Points plan works for all kinds of Microsoft marketplaces (including XBox Live)
  • Microsoft will have plans to create a combination Entertainment pack for future OS releases
  • Zune will proudly display Made In China without sugarcoating.

So if I were Apple I would be very afraid of the Microsoft Zune, regardless of how ugly it is.  Europe, best known for complaining about the MS monopoly will soon see its first Zunes very soon (this December) so if for some strange reason Europe embraces the Zune, then this certainly will send chills up the old Apple core. 

Microsoft Zune 30GB Digital Multimedia Device - Audio Player, Video Player, Photo Viewer, FM Tuner - 3 LCD - 30GB Hard Drive

Universal Sitemaps Protocol…Just Another Stupid Standard

  I’ve learned recently that one big topic at Pubcon was combating duplicate content, scrapers, splogs (spam blogs).  The thought is to battle these web polluters with a sitemap standard, or more so a standard to guarantee claim of content ownership.

The concept is this:  Once an author creates new content, and pings a sitemap service, this “first contact” determines the content claim of ownership.  This sounds like a good idea to me, but I can imagine the increased number of unresolved disputes between spammers and legit writers, as well as larger media houses trying to lay claim to copywritten materials  that aren’t theirs.

So I say to this, yes, let’s make another stupid protocol, another obscure thing to Stumble Upon, or another book to read at Barnes and Nobles.  I classify all this stuff under blahblah-ML

Anyways, I was totally thrilled when Google came out with their own sitemap standard which is pretty awesome.  I don’t want to use it to resolve content ownership disputes, which is a waste of time.  We are going to have dupers, scrapers and splogs regardless, so enforcing a sitemap standard to claim content ownership will certainly create new scams to write new standards, continuing a never ending cycle of junk.

Pimp My Taurus Donations Accepted

1997 Ford Taurus GL  If you are like me you really enjoy watching the show Pimp My Ride on MTV.  I LOVE seeing those guys turn the biggest pieces of crap into super pimp machines.  I drive an old Ford  Taurus with 156,000 miles and think that it is a perfect candidate for a pimping.

The problem though is that it seems that they only pick people who live in California.  What is the deal with that? Us East Cost playas need some pimpin too.  I think my Taurus would look pretty hot with 20″ blades and glitter-green paint. 

OK, I’ll stop.  I really don’t want to pimp my ride I just really need to get the thing road ready.  So basically I’m whining for some help to get my car lookin nicer…or atleast collect enough money to get a decent used car to replace this beater.  Check out the nice things I have to deal with the Taurus right now:

  • Driver-side door panel is detached from the door
  • No power window motor (window doesn’t roll down)
  • Strange looking cables and wires dangle from the bottom of the car
  • Motor mounts need replaced (the engine jumps around and smacks itself off the firewall)
  • Headlight covers are soo scratched that evening visibility is about 2 feet
  • AC unit leaks…no cold air. (This in conjunction with a window that doesn’t roll down is a really fun summer time adventure
  • Trunk lid doesn’t shut all the way…trunk carpet had to be ripped out from rain (makes for a good bathtub on rainy days)
  • Windshield sprayer hose dry rotted (washer fluid sprays on windshield 50% of the time…other times inside the engine compartment

broken door panelloose brake cable scratched headlight covers chart of dodge vipers i've smoked

 So what am I asking?  All I’m asking is for the Internet marketing community to give back to the community, or atleast make a small donation to the SAVE THE TONY ROCKS FORD TAURUS fund.

What’s in it for you? Well, you’ll be rewarded with a totally awesome plug on the Tony Rocks website.  And let me tell you, the plug will be super awesome.  I receive billions of visits a day here!  Many will see your plug.  Well, maybe about 30, but still, I can always dream.

Feel free to donate any amount, 2 cents, 2000 dollars, what ever you’d like.  I’ll even post pictures of the drastic improvements made to the Taurus.  OR, if I run into enough generous people (Hey Warren Buffet, you could use a little publicity, right?) I will post a picture of a new car!

BONUS:  Donating $100 will get your domain named spray painted onto the super duper and totally famous Tony Honda CRX.  

So, if you are generous and you feel like helping out, please do, if not, I don’t care.  I can still kick my feet through the floor of the Taurus and shuffle myself to work.

Successful Viral Marketing

What makes for a successful viral marketing campaign is one that keeps coming back to haunt you.   A few months ago I planted a seed to a viral marketing campaign that continues to bring back visitors.  The simple campaign, if you really want to call it that, was the famous Pittsburgh Steeler’s Fan Funeral.  This campaign is resurfacing own its own, Since the Steelers aren’t doing so well.

The whole things was setup to see what kind of traffic I would get to my server.  Much of my traffic came from and the rest from zipped and stumble upon.

Of course I peppered the page with Adsense ads, but what made this interesting is that I server I had placed the photos on was the same virtual host that I have my timeshare website sitting.  So with this strange funeral photo shoot came ads that were related to buying and selling timeshares (According to Google Adwords these are some high-paying keywords).  I made a few pennies with Adsense with this viral marketing campaign.  But this is not why I consider it successful.  I consider this successful for a few reasons:

  • I can almost guarantee you that there are Steeler fans that have this bookmarked and will visit the page again next year.
  • Someone who finds humor in photographing funerals will certainly discover this site.
  • New humor portal sites are popping up left and right and will certainly stumble upon my covert viral marketing campaign and repost the link.

So I don’t see myself touching this viral campaign because it will surely take care of itself.  I will not move it to another server either…I think it is doing just fine over at