getting-rid-of-fruitflies I don’t know about you, but I have been seeing a ton of fruit flies flying around lately.  Yes, it happens every year, but just like every year I am completely annoyed by them.

The process of getting rid of fruit files is simple. You could do what I’ve always done, take some hairspray and a candle and just blow torch the flies to oblivion. This is probably not a safe thing to do, so let me offer some other suggestions.

1) Install fruit fly zapping Starwars-type satellite defense systems.

2) Pre-empt a fruit fly infestation by planting land mines around your fruit bowls.

3) Install multi-point laser beam tripping mechanisms so when the fruit flies try to do crazy gymnastics (like in Impossible Mission) they will probably get snagged doing a cartwheel while trying to reach the fruit bowl.

4) Place fingerprint scanners on all fruits so that the fruit flies can’t have access to them.

5) This is my most effective method to getting rid of fruit flies: Place an apple on top of a collapsible pedestal that trips a 300 ton boulder which then rolls down your steps and hallways, eventually running over the fruit fly.  Unless of course, the fruit fly finds a hidden doorway and escapes with the apple.

So there you have it, my bestest and most effective tips for getting rid of fruit flies.  I can’t guarantee that my tips will work, but I can assure you that my methods of getting rid of fruit flies have certainly worked for me.

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